


Barriers

by meanderingsoul



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Gentle Kissing, Heartbeats, Old Friends, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Talking In The Dark, Team as Family, Tiny Big Spoon, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 18:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13933032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meanderingsoul/pseuds/meanderingsoul
Summary: Phil didn’t even startle when she got into the bed with him, though he held perfectly still as she fit the cradle of her hips against his under the blanket, tucked her knees into the bend of his legs, wound an arm around his waist.May closed her eyes. They ached. There’d been a lot of tears today.





	Barriers

 

May let herself into Coulson’s room a couple hours later.

She knew Phil could hear it was her, by her footsteps and breathing, the same way she could always ID him without a thought.

He didn’t even startle when she got into the bed with him, though he held perfectly still as she fit the cradle of her hips against his under the blanket, tucked her knees into the bend of his legs, wound an arm around his waist.

May closed her eyes. They ached. There’d been a lot of tears today.

After a moment she heard him sigh. His fingertips shifted to brush her wrist, a light, careful touch.

He’d lost the hesitance for a while there, warm palms on her throat and shoulders, that ease with touch they’d had when they were so much younger. She’d liked that. But, this made sense now.

It was still so wonderful for her not to feel that kick of fear when someone touched her. That part of her had been left behind to die in the framework and good fucking riddance.

She could focus on his fingertips and nothing else.

“Daisy set up one of the rooms a couple floors away with some of the emergency candles and the flowers we picked, give them some privacy. I walked by on the way here.”

He shuddered with a silent laugh. She thought about poking him in the ribs, but squeezed him instead. May wasn’t sure where all the sore spots were right now.

“Don’t laugh. This base is too big and too unknown to consider secure. Mack’s with Elena watching all the wedding videos. And all I heard was a lot of giggling and jumping on the bed. They get to feel their age today. It’s good.”

Phil shifted enough to curl his fingers around her arm, hold it against his body.

“I don’t think we’ve done this since 92,” he finally murmured to the wall.

“Nope.”

“Hm?”

“Last time was after this,” and she curled her hand around his left elbow and squeezed gently, “but, you were pretty out of it. Anesthesia makes you restless.”

“Mm. I really don’t remember much after being put under until I noticed I was sitting up and Garner was tying my shoes.”

She never said his name anymore, but it was ok to talk about him with Phil, when it was just them. It didn’t hurt that way.

But not Lash. Lash had rotted him away from the inside out without either of them noticing and the creeping horror of it all still woke her up at night.

“We needed to get you back to the base and I had things to coordinate. You remember what you said to him?” she teased.

“Oh great,” Phil grumbled. “What came out of my mouth that I have no recollection of whatsoever?”

“First sentence you got out was ‘Why are you so fucking tall?’”

“Figures.”

She grinned against his back, but it faded quickly.

He hadn’t stayed long after Fitzsimmons had been shooed downstairs to enjoy their night. There was no reason for him to keep pretending not to be exhausted.

“Everybody else is still upstairs. Daisy opened one of the Zima so I had to leave. Still can’t handle the smell after that fiasco in Wilmington.”

“Me either. I tried to explain the concept of decent scotch. Didn’t quite work out.”

The idea that he’d tried to get them scotch, and it would have been for _them_ , none of the kids from her bus appreciated scotch, that _ached_.

She turned her head enough to press her ear to his ribs, to hear his heartbeat and the shush of air through his lungs.

It sounded the same as it always did, but that wouldn’t last much longer.

“You’re the patient one, not me. When you said we should take a step back and see where this went, where we went after everything, I didn’t question it.”

“I know,” he said.

He didn’t say sorry. She hadn’t thought he would.

“I’ve got an alarm set early,” he mumbled to her. “Thought I’d make a big breakfast. I can make decent scrambled eggs and pancakes out of all the powdered stuff we’ve got here. It’ll be nice.”

“Hm.”

“I hate that this is the best we can do for them, but I’m so goddamned happy I lived long enough to see it.”

“Me too.” They’d all had so many chances to not make it to this moment today.

This wasn’t the time to tell him she’d go to hell for good before she’d watch him die without a fight, but just because he’d decided not to see what they could have together now, now that it was just them and so much had changed, especially now that it might be brief, that didn’t mean she agreed. She _didn’t_ agree.

So curling close along his back like they’d done so many times before wasn’t enough anymore. May rubbed her cheek against his warm t-shirt and squirmed her foot between his slim calves and moved her hand up to stroke over his heart.

“Melinda…”

She kissed his back through his shirt, mouth over the scar that was deteriorating even now while she was here between him and everything, while the heat of him was soothing the ache in her thighs and he smelled just the same.

Her eyes were closed but they still burned. “Just sleep, ok?”

Phil lifted her hand off his chest just enough to kiss her knuckles once.

May focused on the thud of his heart under her palm until she fell asleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I loved that episode. I loved it so much. All the platonic relationships and all the couples got their moments _in under an hour. How_. Coulson and May are in such an honest, trusting place with each other right now. Also, I'm dying inside because Coulson is...  <_<
> 
> I really appreciate how soft and understated Coulson and May are with each other and expressing affection. There's so much tolerance and understanding between them about their various emotional traumas and hangups, so much acceptance and _care_. It's beautiful and it matters to me on a personal level and I can't wait to see where we go from here.


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